Most do not believe they have forgotten their elders, but do our elders feel the same way? We visit them on Mother’s Day, Father’s Day, holidays, and birthdays and feel we have fulfilled our obligation by making those specific visits. What about the rest of the year? Should our elders feel like a burden or obligation? They have raised us, and we are who we are today because of them.
Imagine being in their position, having lost many whom they cared about and their independence, if forced into a nursing home by well-meaning family members. They often feel completely alone. Their daily physical needs may be met, but we may fail to consider their emotional and mental well-being. Life often gets hectic as we focus on our lives, jobs, and families. Knowing our elders are being looked after brings some comfort, but is it enough? What about those who live alone and have no friends or family left? We all know at least one elderly person living alone who has not received a visit in too long. We may see elderly neighbors every few weeks and wave to them, pushing that feeling of guilt we feel for not looking after them away. Soon we forget until one day, we come home and see a coroner’s van in front of their house. We feel a pang of guilt, because we planned to say hello; but life distracted us, and now the chance has passed. Let’s not take these chances for granted.
A few years ago, I had a job delivering groceries for a local grocery store. One rainy day, I accepted an order with only one item needing to reach an address far into the country. I pulled up a long driveway to a house surrounded by woods. After I knocked on the door, I heard a frail voice say they’d be right there and a walker shuffling inside. After about a minute, a tiny little lady in a pink robe opened the door. Hunched over, she had to tilt her head sideways just to look at me. After I gave her the bag, she took out a box with a toy remotecontrolled car, motioned to the road, and said it was a Christmas present for her neighbor’s son. We were just at the beginning of May, so I mentioned she still had plenty of time. Her eyes shifted to the ground, and she explained that she just needed a delivery driver to bring her mail from the mailbox down the driveway. She had terrible hips, making it impossible for her to walk that far, and she asked if I would be willing to get her mail. I felt a lump form in my throat. She had a neighbor whose child she bought a gift for; surely, the neighbor could transport her mail every few days. The mailboxes were next to each other, and hers was overflowing. Small gestures on our part often mean so much!
On the drive home, I felt a wave of sadness. She was all alone and seemed to receive minimal visitors. I decided to return and bring her mail to her for a few days. This is how our friendship began. Mrs. Edith was 98 and served as a military nurse in WWII. She told me many beautiful stories and showed me hundreds of black and white photos! At times, when she shared her past with me, she would get a faraway look in her eyes, and tears would stream down her face. I always listened intently, reliving her stories with her. What an amazing gift this woman gave me! Over the next four months, we exchanged dozens of stories, shed many tears, laughed, and ate many meals on her porch. She has lived her life to the fullest and did everything she loved. Sadly, she felt forgotten towards the end. I stopped by one day after work, and she did not come to the door. I called her phone, but no one answered. I feared the worst. I went by every other day for three weeks until one day, her great-grandson was there, emptying the house. He informed me that she had passed.
I feel forever grateful to this wonderful woman for sharing her last few weeks with me. She always thanked me for stopping by and spending an hour with her. I don’t think she ever realized what an honor it was for me to hear her stories and enjoy our visits. This is how we humans bond, by sharing our stories.
We all imagine ourselves surrounded by family and loved ones in our final days. Why not extend the same courtesy to our elders? We never know what a difference one hour a week could make to someone who spends their days alone with only the company of a television set. We tell each other we wish to make a difference but often expect someone else to take the initiative. Be the first in our family, community, or neighborhood to start weekly visits to an elderly loved one or neighbor. They will benefit significantly from it, as would we, with just a little effort. Our elderly need to be shown that they matter and are not forgotten. Of course, life gets in the way sometimes, and we need gentle reminders. We can make a difference if we try. Let’s strive to become better humans.
Kasia Perkowska is a bird rescuer and rehabber and the owner of Kasia’s Ark Bird Rescue.